Personal Story
Terence Watts
Pernicious Anaemia (PA) crept up on me stealthily at the beginning of 2013, but the symptoms were atypical. I had just an increasing sense of being unwell, a cloud of depression (which was very unusual for me) and a feeling that I was somehow disconnected from my usual self.
My doctor disagreed, refused blood tests, and diagnosed age-related depression. Because of the brain fog and memory problems at the time, I only have a jumbled recollection of taking some oral B12, feeling fantastically well, the supplementation gradually failing to work over a few months, more visits to the doctor, more refusal for tests, and increasing depression. And as a psychotherapist, I now knew this was definitely not like any form of depression I had encountered over the years, having worked in the field of psychological therapy since 1989.
By now, I certain I was dying, though I still had no physical symptoms apart from a very slight tingling sensation on the outer two fingers of my right hand, and occasional spells of violent tremors in the back of my thighs which would last for twenty minutes or so. Another visit to my doctor ended with me being told to stop self-diagnosing, that the evident ridges on my fingernails meant nothing, there would be no tests, and I should listen to those who knew medicine.
I’ve never been good at being told what to do, so I arranged a consultation with a gastroenterologist at a private hospital. It wasn’t long, though, before he said my symptoms were not like any form of PA he had ever encountered and there was nothing he could advise, indicating that he thought I had a psychological problem rather than PA. But by now, I had the bit between my teeth and so arranged a blood test for the following week at the same hospital.
The results came back positive for both IF and PC antibodies, and the consultant wrote a letter to the doctor stating that I needed vitamin B12 injections for life (which was quite satisfying, though I never did go back to that particular doctor.)
I joined the PAS in June 2016 and was hugely impressed with the wealth of information and help provided there, though I must guiltily admit to never really getting as involved as I could, my excuse being that 83 I maybe, but I still work over fifty hours a week.
Now, the PA is under control, and I have no permanent damage, though I do have to cope with eczema and psoriasis, as well as issues with cortisol – all autoimmune of course and all manageable. Overall, I certainly feel well enough to continue teaching psychology professionals around the world, which provides a focal point on something far more interesting than the PA!
Your psychological approach to the illness is important and finding something to get engrossed in will definitely make you feel better! It doesn’t matter whether or not you’re good at it (I’m learning to play the keyboard and I’m rubbish at it!) as long as it gives you an alternative point of focus. Writing short stories or books is also brilliant (I’ve done that too). If PA is the major focal point in your life, it will drag you down… so, make something else important and the PA loses power – and as a psychotherapist, who has worked with PA sufferers, I can promise you that is a fact!